“I’m going to win the god-damn Royal Rumble in Philadelphia and probably go celebrate at the same dive bar I used to go celebrate at before and be the same son of a bitch I was then as I am now. It was also a strip club.”
The party was an altogether transformative experience, for it led me to the belief that lesbians were but magical confections that brought joy to all the land. They were regal, special, and festive. They were like beautiful unicorns, those lesbians, for you had to search to find them. Oh, yes. You had to dig around. I had gone a full eight years without knowing they were out there, hidden away in luxurious penthouse apartments. But now I knew, and on the car ride home gazed out the window at Lake Shore Drive and all its gorgeous aspirational housing where the lesbians were, where the lives were happy.
I’m going to be one, I thought. I’m going to try.
– Sara Barron, The Harm in Asking, Random House, 2014
Nothing will ruin your 20’s more than thinking you should have your life together already.
someone catfish me plz so i can get on Mtv and promote my mixtape
Many shows, many different monkeys, but for some reason, the monkey’s name was always Alumaster, which translates to “master of potatoes.