According to WebMD, the most likely cause of hypertension in 30-something females is… cocaine. I fucking wish, WebMD. I wish I was born a decade before so I could destroy my cardiovascular health in a series of loft parties and identify with any character Parker Posey has ever played. I’ve never even seen cocaine. I took Ritalin once, I watched eleven episodes of Game of Thrones and thought about calling my Mom for help.

I couldn’t decide which cocaine related YouTube video to embed so here are both of them.