My Middle School Blog: 12/17/2002

Tuesday, December 17, 2002, 09:12 PM EST

but we all bleed the same way as you do… and we all have the same things to go through…. HOLD ON if you feel like letting go…. HOLD ON it gets better than you know. <— lyrics fromm good charlotte’s hold on. thats such an awesome song. everyone should download it. so anyways. yesterday i tried to get onto my blog and it said that portland had a terminal server crash. and i was like crying because i thought i had lost all my archives. it came back at around 8:33 and i started crying of happiness. i dont know what i would do if i lost these archives. these are my MEMORIES. my only true feelings. i dont capitatlize, i dont check for spelling, this is just whatever is on my mind. like a cheap therapist. i dont know what i would do without you my dear blog. i need a new blog layout though… i had one featuring mt. deryck whibley. guitarist, vocalist, lyricist, and hot rockstar god extrodinaire. but i think i want something darker… yes i know. the holidays. but it seems that alot of shit has been happening to friends of mine, and i want something with a message. hence the lyrics posted at the top of this post… well i’ll have to think up some ideas… and find some pics… peace out!

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A box of puppies played by Conor Oberst, Conor Oberst, Conor Oberst, and Conor Oberst

conor oberst's face on a box of puppies.
Conor Oberst’s face(s) on a box of puppies.

Going through photos from an old external hard drive, apparently on July 26, 2006, at 2:59PM, I saw fit to photoshop Conor Oberst’s face onto a box of puppies.

A decade under the influence

Copying Jessica who just posted her journal entry for a Something Corporate show at the 9:30 Club ten years ago (holy motherfucking shit.) She and I and Adriana went together, and I also have an entry for this show, although it was posted five days later, on February 1st, 2005. I thought it would be interesting to compare notes.

2/1/05 9:49PM

“Soco was Thursday”

Amazing.

Went with Jess & Yana. We were 2 or 3 people in, center-right for the opening acts (The Academy Is…, Hidden in Plain View, Straylight Run) but I got out after Straylight Run because the crowd was getting uncharacteristically violent (it’s a Something Corporate show, come on now). Grabbed some much needed water from the bar, bought a hoody (hoodie?) and headed up to the balcony. Not as great viewing (distance-wise), but a better all around experience since I was able to breathe and ENJOY the show.

I’m unsure what to say about the setlist, if you’re into Something Corporate, they ran through the major singles, plus an acoustic version of I Want To Save You, Watch the Sky, and Konstantine. They spun a disco ball during the part of Konstantine which goes “when the first star you see may not be a star.” Being up in the balcony with the club glowing purple from the lights, and these little twinkling disco ball stars… a dorky comment I know, but it was so surreal, kind of magical.

Andrew broke one of his piano keys. I know nothing about pianos, it’s not like I can grade his abilities as a pianist, but you can tell he’s passionate. I think that counts more.

Survived first encounter with DDRmom outside after the show. Grabbed a bunch of flyers from the street teams. Got a Black Maria sampler from some guy. Felt like looting.

Got home at like 1:30. Can someone pay me to do this please. Really. I was thinking about this when I was lying in bed Thursday night. I just want to go to shows every night and come home exhausted and sweaty and smelling like smoke and pass out in my bed with my clothes on and go “well this is rock and roll.” Because IT IS like that. It’s like an alternate universe. You come out of it and it’s like YOU SAW the music. It’s not a teenybopper thing, it’s purer than that…

It’s like the lights and the crowd and the energy and the noise.

I don’t know. I don’t see the use in trying to describe it, since knowing the explaination for why something makes you happy really never seems to change a damn thing

I truly think they should teach journaling at the high school level, or at least start some pro-diary initiative. I had a suspicion in middle school that at some point I would come to value the records of these events, no matter how mundane, and it’s already paying off. The funny thing is, the conclusion I draw from every single old entry I read, is exactly the same: it’s amazing how much you change, and it’s amazing how much you stay the same. I was always hung up on the saying “you are who you were in high school,” on one hand I wanted it to be true, because that time seemed like such a distilled, sincere expression of who I am, but at the same time, fuck, high school, really? But through reading old things I’ve written, I’ve realized It’s not an either/or proposition. I haven’t deviated 70% from who I was at sixteen, and retained 30% of my characteristics. I’m 100% a different person, and 100% the same person at the same time.

P.S. here is the hoody/hoodie

soco piano hoodie

Throwback: My Middle School Blog 01/19/03

For all the old blog entries and school assignments I’ve read, and old pictures and art projects I’ve looked at, I cannot tell if it’s the things about you that change, or the things about you that don’t change that are more disturbing.

[sic] everything because there’s a few too many typos to change. Switched my cousins’ names.

 

Sunday, January 19, 2003, 6:11PM EST

im depressed. again. this summer thing is really really bothering me. i swear i cant take it. i loved the summer… after 7th grade was over. it was seriously the greatest time of my life. everything was fitting in to place. the 2 years since i moved here, i had struggled to fit in, and have friends. i had finally achieved that. i had gotten better grades than in 6th grade, i had found music, my calling. it was the time to lay back and watch everything fall into place. the music. the smells. the sounds. the sights. the tastes. the whole wonderful package that is summer. it wasnt just summer. it was paradise. a summer with a bow, and a cherry, and sprinkles on top. all of that shit that just makes everything a bit better. i guess i felt i could do anything. i wrote songs every day. sung songs. designed more sites than ever. now im fucked. 8th grade is hell. there is not one teacher i truly like. i have no freedom, the music just isnt working. the friend situation is worse than it had been in years, worse then it was before the i moved. and if life isnt bad enough, eveything reminds me of summer. im sitting here in the dark, alone listening to mix tapes i made over summer… defaults wasting my time… i hear it, and im sitting in my room, june or july maybe, its around 3 or 4. they’re playing the video on tv as im sitting on my comp chair. my bag that i got for my birthday is sitting on my bed, along with a bunch of francesca lia block books, and my walkman. and thats not imaginary. i swear that was a specific day. one that i wish i could relive over and over again. but i cant. its over. its gone forever. and i hate it. treble charger’s hundred million… the athem of summer. i remember i was so happy the first day i saw it. now it just brings more memories of summer… our lady peace’s somewhere out there. reminds me of wonderland, in the evening, chilling with cady and phoebe as they played it by wonder mountain at one of the game stand things. the calling’s wherever you will go… JESUS. im sick of this shit. i see things i made over the summer, summer clothes, i just want to cry. it cant be healthy. its just so depressing thinking that something you loved so much you will never see again.