MTV’s Teen Mom OG: I watched it, now you don’t have to

So i watched Teen Mom OG, never got around to writing a response because a) it switched times and i could never figure out when it was on, b) because nothing happened. I’m a woman of limited means and intelligence and interests but most of all I am a woman of LIMITED DVR SPACE and it became immediately clear this was not a DVR worthy program.

They kept hyping how its been 4 years and omg so much has changed and omg we’re not 16 anymore, that was the key statement of the series “it’s like, I’m not sixteen anymore” but literally, they could have all been sixteen, nothing would have changed.

 

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Teen Mom 2, Season 5, “Harder Than It Looks”

Teen Mom 2 was borderline unbearable last night. It’s been a while since I’ve debated whether or not to turn the whole thing off. We finally got the long-awaited conclusion to “where the fuck did Jenelle‘s dogs go?” and I kind of wish we hadn’t. Apparently they’ve been crated in the garage the whole time, … Read more

In Praise of Esther with Hot Chicks

UNDERRATED. I don’t know why MTV isn’t promoting this more, I only found it because I was looking for videos of Little Esther’s stand up. They should up the advertising budget a bit, because I’m not sure Little Esther could promote this by name only just yet. Little Esther is a bit under the radar right now, which is a travesty because she has jokes that tie together Friendly’s and abortion.

If nothing else you think MTV would want an easy opportunity to let a bunch of hot girls with zero presence and short resumes promote their “lifestyle blogs” or whatever. That seems to be the quandary of our time, how to put people who don’t really do anything on television. They have the perfect alibi with this series. Esther’s gentle waterbed-with-the-softest-worn-in My-Little-Pony-sheets tone, and excessive self-deprecation form an offensive which leaves her guests feeling superior and unaware we’re laughing at them not with them.

Esther with Hot Chicks has got the convenient Daily Show it’s-not-you-it’s-our-culture excuse going on, where you can watch a correspondent slaughter someone who is ultimately just grateful for the bump in Google search results, then shake Jon Stewart’s hand because they have no idea whose team he is on. If you’re a jaded asshole, it doesn’t get much better entertainment-wise.

Actually I’m going to pat myself on the back and say Esther would be great at heavier satire. Someone should make me a network executive. I want to be head of creative development. I’d like to see Lindsey Graham try to deflect this bitch. That would be brutal. Politicians looking into the eyes of this doe-eyed child and then she unleashes some foul, Andrew Dice Clay-level rape joke? Oh God, I love the thought of it.

Hold them hostage for more marketing money Esther, then run to HBO.

The episode where the kid hires a studio but not a producer and they don’t know how to record audio though

iamwizz:

someone catfish me plz so i can get on Mtv and promote my mixtape

Being a felon ain’t illegal

OMG TEEN MOM 2 STARTS TONIGHT.

So excited.

I hope in the season finale Barbara & Kieffer realize they can’t live without each other and elope.

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