Canada geese are the second most shameful thing to happen to Canada after Rob Ford

My Mom

My Mom, flower child

(watching a group of teenagers leave a movie theater)

Mom: We didn’t do that when I was your age.
Me: What?
Mom: Hug people and shit.

My Mom explains the transition from mooning to streaking in the 1970s

It started with bare asses. You would stand outside Sears on a Friday night, and all you would see were bare asses in cars going up and down the street. Then one day someone took their pants off. You know why that was Katie? Marijuana. It’s never someone you want to take their pants off either.