It’s hard time to be a wrestling fan. On top of historically low ratings, loyal fans are rewarded with merchandise of cartoon Cena promising hustle, loyalty, and respect in a ’70s strip club font plastered across their ass. So just in time for the holidays – a gift guide for people who like pro-wrestling who mostly don’t want to admit to liking pro-wrestling.
I GOT MY U.S. CITIZENSHIP after a thousand years.
Not that I applied a thousand years ago, that went fairly fast, but I’ve lived here since I was eleven (minus college) so everyone I know from Canada thought I was American and everyone I knew from America mostly didn’t know I was Canadian. I’ve felt like both forever, and time-wise my life has been spent almost exactly 50-50 between the two, so it wasn’t so much like gaining something so much as it was… feeling acknowledged? I know that doesn’t fit the patriotic rhetoric, but if someone talks shit about America I will feel compelled to talk shit about them and if someone talks shit about Canada I will feel compelled to talk shit about them and that I think, is the true test of citizenship.
No need for safe return, it’s no need for your concern
There is no warning, I’m not ignoring
I follow you across the county lines
These beads of sweat feel like a flood
You motherfucker I want your blood
Dude, so first of all, I got a motherfucking flu shot and my arm hurt for two days. Like a charlie horse running from my shoulder to my wrist, and all the bones in the wrist and the back of my hand felt like I beat them against a wall. I rested. I elevated. I tried doing push ups and swinging my arm around. The only advice on Mayo Clinic genunely amounted to “stop being a pussy.” I couldn’t sleep allllll night. What IS that? I got the flu shot last year and it definitely ached, but I wasn’t in uncontrollable pain that acetaminophin couldn’t touch.
I don’t deal with stress well. At least I don’t like change when I didn’t explicitly decide to change something.
So I was lying in bed in my cold-ass room, trying to cocoon myself mentally and physically with like four fleece throw blankets when,