Dead Plumbing Dead People Dead Presidents

Water heater exploded about 15 minutes before the season premiere of The Walking Dead. I had prepared snacks.

I went downstairs to grab my sheets out of the dryer, when I was greeted with the smell of a fish market.

This would be an immediate tip off for anyone who didn’t live in my house. My sister is fond of preparing seafood for herself inadequately, and even once gave herself food poisoning, puked in a trash can, then left it in my Mom’s room because she “didn’t know what to do with it.”

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My Mom’s Birthday, Getting Bit By Mosquitoes, Hanging Out With Jess

Dude, I can barely remember what happened this week, I wish it was due to some blackout scenario but I think the days are just starting to all run together.

It was my Mom’s birthday, and she wanted to go to Good Stuff Eatery, so we went into D.C. because those burgers are an act of God. I had the Vietnamese Coffee milkshake, and I would like them to just stab me with a turkey baster and inject it straight into my heart because it was divine. The weather was nice and the row houses were beautiful as always. My heart is definitely not in D.C. long-term, but who couldn’t fantasize about living on Capitol Hill in a historic brownstone with gorgeous, ornate, wrought iron steps. No one.

Got screwed on the Metro, naturally. It was so hot, and so humid, and there was no moving air, and everyone was literally back to back, ass to sweaty ass, down the entire line. I’ve stood on crowded subways plenty of times, but never in that sort of hog crate scenario for that length of time. It felt like someone had beat me in the back of the knees and the small of my back with a baseball bat for three of four days afterwards.

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