When I was in third grade my parents took me to a sketchy, subterranean pet store off the food court in Hillcrest mall with no windows and a single, incongruous neon sign bearing some nondescript name like BJ’s Pet Emporium where I would be allowed to procure my first pet, a hamster.

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Cake pops vs. Penis envy

Went to Chipotle with Adriana. Discussed the various 30-something to 40-something white guys we are not sleeping with, but would potentially like to. I think the unifying qualities were being plain-looking and an ascending b-list comedian. Also coffins. Apparently they are expensive, and not usually black, like in The Addams Family. Maryland has some very … Read more

Throwback: My Middle School Blog 01/19/03

For all the old blog entries and school assignments I’ve read, and old pictures and art projects I’ve looked at, I cannot tell if it’s the things about you that change, or the things about you that don’t change that are more disturbing. [sic] everything because there’s a few too many typos to change. Switched … Read more

Para More

Last night I had a dream that I was both in Paramore and opening for Paramore. As in Paramore and its entire repertoire existed twice in one universe. No one noticed. If that’s not a telling commentary on the music industry, I don’t know what is.

Majoring in humanities: Not a great idea

I consider my own life circumstances and the consequences of a YouTube video titled “Dwarf Self-Promotion Win”

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