You eat apples, right? I produce Entourage.

I meant to post this like two weeks ago. It’s ironic that Mark Wahlberg’s response to this video only made me realize just how good Andy Samberg’s impression of him was. “You have a beard. I had a beard like that in A Perfect Storm did you see that movie?”

I have so much work to do but refreshing my Flickr photostream just keeps climbing to the top of my list of important things to do. It’s not a very elite list unfortunately.

Wednesday was pretty sweet, I had left my contact lens case at home and was not too happy about the prospect of having another thing I was forced to spend money on, but when I went to Shoppers I found a package of two contact cases for $1.99 and they are vastly superior to my previous contact lens case. They are clear and green and have hearts printed on one cap. They make having poor vision exciting.

Also I don’t understand exchange rates (and by don’t understand I mean never think about) so when I exchanged $480 American for $542 Canadian I was quite pleased. It’s the bank so I’m sure they still ripped me off, but in my mind $480 American was like $486 Canadian so it was quite an exciting afternoon.

These are the highlights of my life right now.

“Alright, we’re done here.”

In keeping with last year, I managed to walk around for five hours on Nuit Blanche and see nothing. In 2009 I need to utilize the TTC. I know everyone mocks it, but I actually enjoyed the installations around Hart House this year. I liked the one investigating dreams, with the helicopter flying over the bed. It was sick. I also liked the very rustic looking bar they set up in Hart House quad and that they were showing V for Vendetta on the side of the UTSU building complete with popcorn and cotton candy. Actually the best sights of the night had absolutely nothing to do with Nuit Blanche. I liked the frat boy who made his own contemporary art exhibit by putting on a suit and dragging a desk and reading lamp out onto the lawn of the frat house. I liked the red sheets of paper I found on the ground that said “ART.” I liked this guy I saw on a longboard holding an ice cream cone that accidentally dropped it on the ground after he was honked at and got his longboard caught under the tire of the car but just kept walking along like nothing had happened.

Because Nuit Blanche is sick but it’s also kind of a joke sometimes.

Like the Eaton Centre “orb.” Fuck, it was a giant pool toy with a spotlight on it. I heard later that Matt had to stop looking at it because he felt like he was going “into the abyss” but I just thought it was lame. Peter said it looked like birth. I saw a neon colon. Or gay.

The game of Pacman on City Hall was undeniably epic though.

I can’t complain, who doesn’t like wandering around downtown Toronto at night with their friends and a shitload of other (high) people. Also my photos came out better than I could have imagined given my lack of tripod and ability.


Mona and Gresa’s birthday party was last night and it was good times because Mona and Gresa are amazing and everyone was fucking wasted. Now that I’m sober though I’ve realized I’m never going to Lot 332 ever fucking again.

It was a total sausagefest and a fucking deformed sausagefest at that. They only let moderately overweight bros in. This one guy was grinding a counter the whole night. Also their business practice is absolute shit. They varied the cover from minute to minute. We were all on the guestlist, but when we got there they basically said fuck you and made us all pay. I could deal with that if it wasn’t for the fact that they made Tori pay $10, me pay $15 and Tori’s friend pay $20. Then Chelsey showed up an hour later and told them she was on the guestlist and didn’t have to pay at all.

I went in after two girls with terrible fakes that said they were 22 and 25, respectively, who didn’t get shit at all, and when I hand the bouncer my I.D. he looks at me and says “Seriously?” Don’t you give me an incredulous look you fourth grade educated motherfucker. Its not my fault your ghetto ass has never been outside Peel region. Be thankful as the result of some sort of genetic mutation probably related to your unwed teenage mother’s crack habit that you’re built like a motherfucking Hutt and thus able to enjoy a temporary position of power.

I woke up at noon and watched videos of raccoons on YouTube for a couple hours, ate a giant bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and have spent my day waiting for dinner.


My neck is still fucked only now its traveled down my shoulder. I went to health services this morning which was thankfully not as agonizing as it has been in the past. Apparently I have a pinched nerve. They told me to just keep using Sac Magique and stretch a lot and double the dose of ibuprofen I was taking.

I’m fucking in love with that Lady GaGa song and am now contemplating a career in dance pop.

I got one of those Starbucks frappucino things this morning and handed the guy T-Card and he’s like “Just to let you know this is $3.69” and I’m like fuck I did not want to know that.

According to online tracking my printer might show up today. If it does I’ll be so excited. It rocks that the warehouses for everything are in Mississauga.

What the Fuck Weekend

bellini with mermaid charm

So it was Janice’s 19th on Tuesday. We went to the Milestone’s at Yonge & Dundas. It was bellini Tuesday. It was amazing. I’m still jealous of Jessica though, who got a plastic mermaid figurine in hers. I got the more traditional blue plastic monkey, but at least I didn’t get the goat. The California spring salad never disappoints. I’m in love with their balcony bar, hopefully we get a chance to go out there before it gets too cold.

chocolate cake
After that we went back to Janice’s and created the most white trash scene I’ve witnessed. We set off the fire alarm with the birthday candles then dug into the cake armed only with forks (a hark back to Jessica’s 19th last year.) Janice strapped on her Life Sci lab goggles to uncork a $6 bottle of sparkling wine only to find that it was twist off. We took turns passing it around and taking swigs while blasting “A Milli.” Everyone was disgusted by it except for Jesse who just found it nostalgic as he apparently spent a good deal of last year getting drunk on $8 bottles of red wine.

I had class the next morning and went to bed, but apparently everyone else headed off to Molly’s and got fucked. They pulled Janice there in a child’s wagon and even brought a bike lock to lock it up outside when they went into the bar. Apparently she sang “Will the Sun Come Out Tomorrow” the entire way back.

sculpture of a mannequin in a neckbrace from circa nightclub in toronto

Friday was her birthday party. I’m never going to Circa on Gay Persian night again. $20 cover, we walked around for 45 minutes trying to find the rest of the group, found them, then left. Ended up getting a cab back with Paul, Jessica and Gresa who I’d just met an hour earlier. The cab driver was playing Punjabi music and Gresa starts yelling “I love Bollywood! Turn it up!” so we end up rocking out to MC Punjabi in the back of this cab, which was not even the first time I rocked out to MC Punjabi in a cab on the way back from Circa.
circa toronto crowd 2008
So we go back to res and I’m about to walk into the common room when Chelsey stops me and tells me that Boots is having sex in the there. Jessica opens the door, and from the darkness this ginger on top of Boots peers out at us. I’m pretty sure he was wearing pants but it doesn’t matter because it was horrifying anyway. Still, it was not enough to slow our trip to Molly’s. So we went to Molly’s, got drunk the right way, stayed until they kicked us out then went back to res when we realize they’re still fucking in there. So I start running and screaming that they’re having “gingercourse” in the common room, which is too much for Geoff who has a history of kicking the unwelcome out of the building. A ruckus is started, Boots and the Ginger end up leaving, though not before the Ginger tells Geoff that basically, he has won the battle but not the war. As in, he may have stopped him from fucking in the common room this time, but he would be back to fuck in the common room again. Which is ridiculous since he doesn’t even live there.

Yesterday, Mariah & I became obsessed with the YTV show “The Next Star.” It’s like a low budget and painfully positive American Idol for 10-14 year olds. Its hosted by Marco from Degrassi because apparently there is a law that states we must involve at least one Degrassi cast member in all media produced north of the 49th parallel. We both agree that Dunnery looks like a 30 year old lesbian. Go back to the Home Depot, Dunnery. We all know Maranda is going to win.

I saw Choke last night. It was fucking amazing. Then I got myself a box of Timbits and a steeped tea and watched Iron Chef.