Slammed: Inside Indie Wrestling

Slammed: Inside Indie Wrestling (2011)

 

Program for National Geographic Channel/NatGeo that depicts both Ring of Honor tryouts (led by an uncharacteristically sedate Jim Cornette) and preparations for an indie show at a VFW Hall in Manville, New Jersey by the promotion National Wrestling Superstars. Probably most notable for featuring a pre-TNA Shiima Xion/Zema Ion/DJ Z and former WWF Superstar Danny Inferno, the episode focuses on the familiar contrast of the hardships of finding fame (Xion) and regaining fame (Inferno) but I thought there were a few smaller, but more interesting aspects. Xion’s specific experience as a Filipino-American wrestler, and the pressures his career placed on his widowed, immigrant Mom was a slice of life I wish had been investigated more. Where Xion and his Mom pulled heartstrings, the relationship between promoter and commissioner duo “Dapper Johnny Falco” (half Jon Taffer, half Ed O’Neill) and Gino Moore (mulleted, wearing a windbreaker and a Bluetooth headset) was just bizarre. I’m at a complete loss of whether they were “real” people, or characters played-up for the audience. As usual, the business end of the operation neither seemed to enjoy wrestling, nor be making any money, and seemed to be propelled forward only by a hefty dose of masochism and contempt. The promoter and/or booker roles are such an incongruous aspect of wrestling, it was interesting to see some light shone on the local guys trying to put on the patchwork bingo hall shows. It was not necessarily a flattering light, but interesting nonetheless.

Other notes: small cameo from Anderson & Gallows as the big shot who can’t operate a GPS and drive the perpetually suffering Dapper Johnny Falco one step closer to a stress and corned beef induced heart attack.

Mostly stealth wrestling gift guide 2015

Mostly stealth wrestling gift guide

It’s hard time to be a wrestling fan. On top of historically low ratings, loyal fans are rewarded with merchandise of cartoon Cena promising hustle, loyalty, and respect in a ’70s strip club font plastered across their ass. So just in time for the holidays – a gift guide for people who like pro-wrestling who mostly don’t want to admit to liking pro-wrestling.

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Eva Marie Makeup Failure: All Red Nothing

eva marie makeup

I am fucking obsessed with Eva’s eye makeup. Since the show started I’ve been freeze framing, trying to figure out what the fuck it is she’s doing. Eva Marie can start maiming girls in the ring like Sara Lee on muscle relaxants, just keep that bitch around long enough that I can master her perfect Mod cat eye.

And yes, for the record I do realize a large problem with this undertaking is that Eva Marie is Mexican-Italian, tan, and has the features of a ’70s rock star’s girlfriend / sexy alien, and I  have very round, very large, eyes that don’t lend themselves to any feline look. But I don’t see race will try anything to look cute, so I tried my best to modify her style to fit my all consuming whiteness.

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12 Rounds 3: Lockdown’s Dean Ambrose vs. Stains the Cupcake Dog

I keep seeing screen caps of 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown, mostly because I have Tumblr. You’d think this would be the doing of the prolific slash fiction penning Tumblr sisterhood, but a surprising number of dudes I follow seem to be aggressively hate-watching it, inadvertently strengthening the cinematic juggernaut that is 12 Rounds (lolz.)

Anyway, Dean Ambrose’s face has been plastered across my screen more than usual lately, and I guess I never really looked at him because he’s always bouncing around or covered by a mess of crazy bangs which has been slowly transforming into a devilock situation. But in still form, I kept thinking, this fucker looks familiar. Specifically his eyes look familiar, that psycho, blue-eyed, cold stare. I started thinking of Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, but that wasn’t it. Then I remembered an article about North Korea using the Stoned Birthday Dog as anti-American propaganda, and it hit me:

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