Halloween/horror-adjacent movies for pussies (meow)

hnck9421

I love the shit out of Halloween. Halloween is a bitter, passive person’s dream, a chance to feel like I am not where I am while not even having to move. Lawns become decorated, the atmosphere gets spooky, and even children become adorable and entertaining for just one night.

But I hate being scared. I don’t even like going in the laundry room during daylight, so I’m not trying to see a film that’s been jokingly insured due to threat of audience mass heart attack. Right now that sleep drug commercial with the living Zzzs and most Canadian public service ads from the mid-1990s are at the top of my shitlist for being creepy as fuck, so that’s about the level of fear tolerance I’m working with.

I still want to get in the holiday spirit. I watched Scary Movie 4 last night, and not only was it funnier than I thought the 4th of anything would be, it was more than festive enough for me. So here is my list of Halloween-y movies for people that don’t want to crap their pants.

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Truth or Drink

Hi so this is awesome. I was watching a string of Buzzfeed videos where kids prank their parents when this glorious gem started auto-playing. I immediately knew it wasn’t a product of Buzzfeed due to the restrained set design and lack of irritating music. It’s Never Have I Ever/10 Fingers with parents and children (or in other videos, exes, couples, or twins.) It’s amazing what some people can admit to their parents. I’m ready to tap out when my Mom asks me if I thought the Starbucks barista was cute or not.

The Try Guys

I know These Buzzfeed videos are super funny sounds dubious as fuck, but I managed to watch all five videos in the series for The Try Guys last night and then pillage the related videos. It’s essentially the same concept as all there X try Y videos, but with a consistent group of guys who are all adorably enthusiastic about trying new, semi-humiliating things.

 

Drag:

European Swimwear:

Recreating Kim Kardashian’s Greasy Paper Magazine Ass Photo:

Sexy Halloween Costumes:

Ladies Underwear:

How I discovered Muscle Chat by Melissa Chadburn (NSFW)

Imagine that you are unexpectedly witnessing the end of your life as you know it. That everything certain has been upset. Perhaps you, like me, have yet to obtain anything of certainty but there are plans in place. Many lovely plans.

“How I discovered muscle chat” by Melissa Chadburn (NSFW)

(FULL DISCLOSURE: Muscle chat is apparently a body-building themed sex hotline)