I’m watching Ten Inch Hero and Clea Duvall’s character is crying by a campfire because she feels unattractive and the whole thing is just either ludicrous or pushing suspension of belief too far because every Gen X/Millennial girl who contemplated being a lesbian did so because they saw Clea Duvall.
Also this movie has a guy giving a Braveheart-style speech about buying tampons and it is awesome. Apparently the actor is Jensen Ackles and I know that means something to some people because I have Tumblr but I have no idea.
Okay the first thing is I got into is This Is Not Happening, which I have seen in it’s televised form (several comics, 30 minute episodes) but I didn’t know you could watch individual sets online, which I like much better, because sometimes the match ups on that show are dicey.
A stand out for me has been Kurt Metzger talking about Jehovah’s Witness drama. I had no idea Metzger was formerly a Jehovah’s Witness, or about the uh, very insular? nature of the Jehovah’s Witness community, but the payoff of the story is great. If there is any This Is Not Happening performance I want to be true, it is this one.
Kurt Metzger – “Jehovah’s Witness Drama” (This Is Not Happening)
I also was only… aware of Big Jay Oakerson, I had yet to bear witness to his storytelling abilities. So when he popped up on the queue, I was like, what a perfect introduction to Big Jay Oakerson, a story about bearing witness to a fat white girl fight.
Big Jay Oakerson Sees Some Boobs (This Is Not Happening)
It did not disappoint. I want to party with this guy so bad. I want to take him to a family barbecue.
To switch tones completely, I saw this video entitled “Life Lessons from 100-Year-Olds” (Although the title frame clearly says “LIFE REGRETS BY 100+ YR OLDS”) I watched it out of a sense of duty, just feeling it’s important to listen to other peoples’ stories, especially when those stories could help you live a better life. I was afraid I’d be left emotionally gutted, but it’s a very very life affirming video. Just watching people be happy and talk about how satisfied they feel, and how they have great memories but still look forward to the future… it felt so warm. Warmth, in 2018? Imagine that.
Trying to clean up my Watch Later playlist and noticed I had the video for Quicksand’s “Fazer” in there, and had to give it play. Suuuuuch a good song by such a good band.
Quicksand – “Fazer”
I finished all of Big Mouth because it is *fucking amazing* and I’m always impressed by the music featured in it, but this one caught my attention for it’s lyrical content, and punky Norwegian singer. I didn’t have this song in high school but I should have.
Then the always enlightening Fiona Apple answers a fan Q&A, as she is being VICIOUSLY ATTACKED played with by her adorable pit bull. She barely skips a beat. Honestly her professionalism is both impressive and hilarious.
Lastly, HAVE YOU SEEN THIS SHIT, The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell on Netflix? I’m so glad this was recommended to me, I would have never watched it on my own, because from the title and the Netflix icon, it looks like just another FOOD NETWORK PEOPLE TOUCHING CAKE THIS CAKE IS NOW UNUSABLE WHAT A WASTE THERE IS NO WAY THE CAKE SURVIVES THE HANDLING AND THE FONDANT THE FUCK IS THE POINT COMPETITION (FNPTCTCNUWWTNWCSHFFPC) but it is not. This glorious pale woman lives in haunted Sesame Street with (like actual Henson Studio produced) kind of raunchy puppets including a horny, neighborhood dog loving taxidermied raccoon with a fork for a hand and a mummified cat who can’t deal with the indignity of his current life and a very real Dita von Teese. She makes food art-y projects (usually one doable, and one advanced, but decent inspiration for common folk, per episode) and several spooky crafts I haven’t seen on Pinterest. Each episode has a little plot line involving the puppets and Christine’s daily life, i.e., Christine makes lunch for her deceased grandmother, like a most fucked up Ina & Jeffrey. It is truly wonderful, I have watched the whole thing twice. It’s so weirdly calming and enthralling, Christine McConnell making perfect, deeply disturbing shrunken head gingerbreads, the siren song of childhood regression courtesy the puppets, I feel during The Curious Creations of Christine McConnell the way I am supposed to feel during Bob Ross.
I love the shit out of Halloween. Halloween is a bitter, passive person’s dream, a chance to feel like I am not where I am while not even having to move. Lawns become decorated, the atmosphere gets spooky, and even children become adorable and entertaining for just one night.
But I hate being scared. I don’t even like going in the laundry room during daylight, so I’m not trying to see a film that’s been jokingly insured due to threat of audience mass heart attack. Right now that sleep drug commercial with the living Zzzs and most Canadian public service ads from the mid-1990s are at the top of my shitlist for being creepy as fuck, so that’s about the level of fear tolerance I’m working with.
I still want to get in the holiday spirit. I watched Scary Movie 4 last night, and not only was it funnier than I thought the 4th of anything would be, it was more than festive enough for me. So here is my list of Halloween-y movies for people that don’t want to crap their pants.