Miscellaneous

New investment opportunity: grey wide plank laminate flooring

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I’m not sure how this has escaped the notice of finance reporters, but you can just peel the backing off this stuff, lay it down, tap it gently together with a rubber mallet, and double the value of a home. Seriously, try it for yourself. Procure a medium to large sized cardboard box, go to … Read more

For the consideration of all “men’s rights activists”

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I was watching NatGeo where I picked up this little elaboration on the mating habits of the praying mantis: not only does the female praying mantis bite the head off the male after sex, she will sometimes do this prematurely so that the male’s death spasms will pump his sperm into her more quickly. She … Read more

Shitting Your Pants (Collected Works)

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A friend once told me, two things are certain: everyone dies and everyone shits their pants. I love a good pants shitting story, because I feel they are a surefire way of sorting the men/women from the boys/girls; there are people who feign dignity either from ignorance or conceit, and there are people who from foresight or misfortune have accepted our collective fate and embraced it. I would much rather hang out with the second group of people.

 

The Ryan’s Steakhouse Incident

http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html

If you didn’t think a heart-warming pants-shitting tale was possible, prepare to be delighted. The Ryan’s Steakhouse Incident will make you feel closer to your partner and your steakhouse waitstaff. It is like Eat, Pray, Love with more poop.

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A Galentine’s Day Salute to Girl Heroes

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galentine's day 2016 girl heroes: fi from so weird, jo march from little women, sheryl holt from boston public

girlhero

Jo March from Little Women
To be honest, I always wanted to be Beth. Poor, lovely, helpless, blonde Beth who died before any of her less attractive qualities could be revealed. That was womanhood to me, being pretty and offending no one. But in the back of my mind Jo always stood out, because she was a writer which was what I wanted to be. As time has passed it’s become clear that if Beth is the ideal of femininity I sometimes struggle against, Jo is Leslie Knope riding on the back of a lioness holding a collection of arguments by Ruth Bader Ginsburg. For all Beth’s saccharine pronouncements of love and beauty in the world, and her sacred place as the moral center of the March household, it was Jo selling her hair that moved me the most, even as a child. Jo was the only one who got shit done. While the rest of her family were running around with chickens with their heads cut off, bemoaning the financial future of the March household, Jo actually did something. She didn’t ask permission, she didn’t look for praise or sympathy, she just saw what needed to be done and did it. With that kind of drive, is it any wonder why she lacked patience for Laurie, who was a bit of a pansy anyway? Jo demonstrated a sense of self-determination I truly admired, but took years to appreciate, and taught me being viewed a stubborn, manly, bitch was more than worthwhile trade off for actual accomplishments.

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