Month: October 2016

Beaver damn

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I posted a couple #throwbackthursday photos on Instagram the other day, that’s the only reason I can think of to explain why this memory reentered my consciousness. Names have been changed. One morning when I was in seventh grade, there was an influx of rumors that my friend Stacy got fingerbanged by another notoriously surly … Read more

For the consideration of all “men’s rights activists”

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I was watching NatGeo where I picked up this little elaboration on the mating habits of the praying mantis: not only does the female praying mantis bite the head off the male after sex, she will sometimes do this prematurely so that the male’s death spasms will pump his sperm into her more quickly. She … Read more

Nothing to say really

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Shittiest blog post ever. I went to the gym today and now everything hurts. I did a solid 30 minutes on the stair stepper mostly at the top of my cardio zone which is like, 168, and then tried to push it to the aerobic zone or whatever the f the other zone is at … Read more

Makeup Post: Urban Decay Vice Lipstick in 1993

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Kind of obsessed with Urban Decay’s Vice line of lipsticks. There are so many of them. I never thought “more” would be a selling point, but walking up to their display feels like walking into a candy store, with the added benefit that you can find a color you like, then be like, ‘I want … Read more

Halloween/horror-adjacent movies for pussies (meow)

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hnck9421

I love the shit out of Halloween. Halloween is a bitter, passive person’s dream, a chance to feel like I am not where I am while not even having to move. Lawns become decorated, the atmosphere gets spooky, and even children become adorable and entertaining for just one night.

But I hate being scared. I don’t even like going in the laundry room during daylight, so I’m not trying to see a film that’s been jokingly insured due to threat of audience mass heart attack. Right now that sleep drug commercial with the living Zzzs and most Canadian public service ads from the mid-1990s are at the top of my shitlist for being creepy as fuck, so that’s about the level of fear tolerance I’m working with.

I still want to get in the holiday spirit. I watched Scary Movie 4 last night, and not only was it funnier than I thought the 4th of anything would be, it was more than festive enough for me. So here is my list of Halloween-y movies for people that don’t want to crap their pants.

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