Chaotic neutral: my favorite unexpected neutral nail colors

chaotic neutral: my favorite unexpected neutral nail colors

 

 

I love nail polish. I own an obscenely large amount of it. I feel incomplete without it. But I hate physically painting my nails. After years I’m still terribly uncoordinated, shocked by the time it takes to dry, and managing to accidentally sit on my own hand and leaving denim imprints all over my own work. So I like to go with a color I can get some mileage out of, and maximize the time before I have to repeat the process. So these are my favorite nail polishes that are kind of unusual but still manage to match a lot of outfits, without being pink, beige, or black.

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Bangs, Good Hair, the furnace and my space heater explode

Got my bangs mangled at my inaugural bang trim. My first ever bang trim after getting bangs before Christmas and I made the mistake of thinking I could gamble with a walk in for something I thought was so simple. NOPE. I’m not even mad, or at least experiencing anger, because of how mesmerized with how fucked up they are. I have three highly differentiated layers of hair, like a fucking hair trifle, or a diagram of the layers of the earth, but in the middle, the thirdmost layer is the shortest, and on either side, the firstmost/topmost layer is the shortest. I also have a chunk carved out above my right eye, perfectly following my eyebrow, like a half Mickey Mouse. I have a Joy Division album cover on my forehead.

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Shitting Your Pants (Collected Works)

A friend once told me, two things are certain: everyone dies and everyone shits their pants. I love a good pants shitting story, because I feel they are a surefire way of sorting the men/women from the boys/girls; there are people who feign dignity either from ignorance or conceit, and there are people who from foresight or misfortune have accepted our collective fate and embraced it. I would much rather hang out with the second group of people.

 

The Ryan’s Steakhouse Incident

http://www.ihos.com/steakhouse.html

If you didn’t think a heart-warming pants-shitting tale was possible, prepare to be delighted. The Ryan’s Steakhouse Incident will make you feel closer to your partner and your steakhouse waitstaff. It is like Eat, Pray, Love with more poop.

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