“Well, there’s no money, Jack. If I can get some cash out of this place, then I can start a new life. Buy a condo in Marina Bay. Open a store for red headed girls to buy cosmetics from someone who understands.” – Nancy Donovan, 30 Rock

So I’m not redheaded, but this quote always stayed with me because I am pale as fuck, and buying foundation has always been a nightmare. I also had truly terrible skin for years and years before going on Accutane, so makeup was not so much a luxury item as a necessity, and the one thing spackling my self-esteem together.

I’m realizing now the problems many people face with foundation, I guess that is the problem with a product that needs to match perfectly to not look ridiculous, yet only comes in 10 shades. But I have only ever been one color, and that is ungodly pale, so hopefully I can at least help my pale bitches out.

Flower Beauty Liquid Foundation, LF2
This is from Drew Barrymore’s newish line for Walmart. It has a bunch of natural crap written on the packaging, but I read the label and this is just… regular foundation. The packaging is nice, the color is pigmented and smooth and blends fairly easily. The coverage is build able and you can definitely go to FULL coverage without looking cakey  (i always want my shit like war paint)  it’s thick, which I like, but kind of tacky. You definitely need powder. It doesn’t dry, like some liquid foundations do, where if you leave it for 5 minutes it sets, almost like paint. This stuff stays sticky. I probably would have stuck with this one, but the last bottle I bought was like… horrifically sticky. I couldn’t blend it, because it’s almost like it was sticking to itself, and pulling itself off my face. I tried different sponges, wet, damp, dry, primers, rosewater spray, but no dice. It doesn’t say “new formula” so hopefully I just got a bad batch. There is a lighter shade than LF2, the creatively named LF1, but LF2 was plenty pale for me.

Hard Candy Glamoflage in Porcelain
This is my newest find and I’m totally in love, because it’s one of the better foundations I’ve ever tried and it’s $8. I decided to give this a try because I bought the Hard Candy Glamoflage Concealer in “Ultra Light” a while back and it is LIGHT. It is also amazing, I’ve always ignored concealer because no amount of time or expensive brushes makes me capable of applying it, but this shit will cover anything, and it stays put. So when Hard Candy released a Glamoflage foundation, I gave it a go. I put this on in the car yesterday, and it looked amazing. It’s a liquid foundation, but it does get sort of powdery after a minute. I could put a heavier amount on my problem areas, give it a second to start to dry, then blend the edges out. The finish is almost like porcelain. It was hot and humid as hell yesterday, and when I got back to my house at like 8PM, and looked in the mirror, I looked like a doll person. I’ve been wearing “Porcelain” which is the lightest shade. The range is really small, I think only 5 or 6 colors, but at $8, and the bottle is a decent size, it might be worth it to try to mix.

L’Oréal True Match W1
Dita Von Teese has mentioned in multiple interviews and tweets that L’Oreal True Match in N1 is her go to foundation. When Dita talks, especially about cosmetics, I listen. True Match was my go-to foundation in college, it was very liquid-y, but covered up everything but my worst breakouts (I’m bad with concealer, so I’d go to a layer of similarly toned pressed powder foundation over the bad areas) and I could wear it with or without powder depending on how humid it was. It also has a small amount of sunscreen, so that was a bonus. I actually used to wear W1, which was the absolute lightest shade, a bit lighter than N1, making me apparently paler than Dita herself. (The shades were divided into 3 groupings, W for yellow/warm, N for neutral, C for pink/cool, I think I probably have cool toned skin, but both N and C were a little too pink for me.) My only complaint was the packaging, which is a little glass vial with a twist top like a water bottle, I’d pour some out onto the back of my hand as a makeshift palette and use a makeup sponge, but invariably wasted product. I stopped wearing this because they changed the colors, W1 is now a bit darker and makes me look ruddy, but they’re still quite light in the grand scheme of things, and more importantly cheap, so they may be a good option for someone else.

MAC Studiofix Foundation N3
I got one good MAC artist in the summer of 2003. I kept her card for years later, because she recommended me two of my favorite makeup items, MAC Lipglass in “Oyster Girl” and Studiofix Foundation in N3. There’s tons of articles about MAC’s NC vs. NW color organizing scheme, but no one ever talks about N, neutral. I went through a bunch of NW and NC shades and all made me look violently ill, until fate intervened and I met this MAC goddess who showed me, nope, there’s a whole other column of shades no one seems to go to. N3 is the exact color of my face. I would like to buy a bunch of palettes, break them up, and roll around in it. I would say the coverage is medium. I know it says buildable, but I just don’t see anyone getting to full coverage with any powder, after a certain number of layers, you’re at max capacity. You can’t get powder to stick to itself. I eventually had to stop wearing this when my skin got really bad, I just needed more coverage. But it’s light and lovely and not cake-y, and I don’t believe it ever contributed to my breakouts. I’d probably go back if I lived closer to a MAC counter, or if they offered free shipping. If you’re struggling with pale shades, and like MAC, look on the website for the Ns, they also offer C and W shades (as in not NC or NW) and a foundation line called Face and Body that I believe is lighter than their liquid foundations. N3 I’ve never had trouble picking up at a counter, but Face and Body might be only available at MAC Pro stores.