I thought I couldn’t be more horrified when I saw this on Amazon, until I realized it was written by a woman.

Serves as a harsh reminder patriarchy is not men repressing women, but a society that puts men’s desires, efforts and preferences first.

Here is my life advice: Fuck other peoples’ opinions. Actually fuck everything’s opinion, men, women, livestock, furniture, aquatic mammals, trees, self-righteous bloggers/baristas/politicians, fish, etc.

LIFE SHORTCUT: look up everything Tucker Max a) looks for in a woman, b) admires in a man, do opposite.

I got my deviated septum fixed

I’m always inflicted by the sexiest maladies.

Had my deviated septum at “atrophied turbinates”??? operated on this morning. It feels like someone took a jackhammer to my face. It feels like a Brazilian stripper put a jackhammer in her b-hole then surra de bunda’d the shit out of me.

And I am not a satisfied customer.

Good life lesson though, ALWAYS TAKE THE MOTHERFUCKING PERCOSET. Even if the last time you had it you were hunched over the goddamn crapper for 48 hours, at least you were just nauseated (thank you 10th grade English for teaching me nauseous is incorrect in this context) and not in pain.

P.S. I do not usually look like a goth Francesca Eastwood.