Annex Adventures

whiskey sour at labyrinth toronto

Fuck it was so ~*lovely*~ out on Friday, Jessica and I determined it was imperative we find a way to enjoy the weather while  eating for maximum joyousness. So we went to Victory Cafe since neither of us had ever been there, and our food bible BlogTO always writes favorably about it.

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We walked past this “mural” on Harbord. Children make shitty artists. I support the tiny Wu Tang fan in his/her quest to reach their full thug potential, but the crazy mouse man beast (is its Afro shaped into ears, or is it a black Mickey Mouse?) was fucking disturbing.

Anyways, we got a prime patio spot at Victory, and promptly ordered foooood.

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I got a cheeseburger and Jessica got chili-cheese fries. I don’t know if its just because now, left to my own devices, I am starving, but I swear to God it was the best fucking burger I have ever had. And it came with this tiny container of ranch-like sauce that I kept dipping my fries in because though not visibly obese, I am so fucking fat on the inside.

Janice came by but we were already done eating so we moved on to Green Room so that she could get food and continue the patio adventure.

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But not before being intimidated by Honest Ed’s.

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Yay Green Room.

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So we sat on the patio that no one knew existed until recently, and Janice ordered a sandwich and we got a few drinks. I do not trust the food at Green Room. Just because a place serves food does not mean you should eat it. They have sweet massive plates of $2 fries, and “quesadillas” (really just cheese in a tortilla) that I’m obsessed with, but I’m not venturing beyond that. Its a student pub, they can pull a tap or mix simple drinks and maybe bring you a plate of nachos, but I refuse to anything masquerading as a real meal.

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It got pretty fucking gloomy out so we went inside. Our preemptive strike against mother nature allowed us to claim the couches, usually impossible because under normal circumstances no one ever leaves the building before midnight, but the experience was kind of wasted on the fact that there were like, 3 of us. Geoff and Paul came down, then we headed to Lab for $3 Jack night. Evidently $3 gets you a lot of Jack at Lab. Even Geoff, who shortly after I met him, was drinking whiskey and milk or some other abhorrent combination, thought the drinks were fucking strong.

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Then Jessica, Geoff and Paul left to go see The Miles play at The Boat, but I was so fucking tired even my love of infectious dance music could not keep me awake.

I fucking hate Gene Simmons

Man I should have liveblogged this episode of Disband haha. It would have been so epic, a perfect demonstration of the phenomena where something is so fail it becomes win.

Seeing the Universal offices made me want to shit my pants with glee. Its like looking into a secret world that I want to be in.

My only complaint was WHY THE FUCK WAS GENE SIMMONS THERE. Does he have some secret fabulous A&R career that I was unaware of? Was MuchMusic trying to add a little extra star power? Honestly, if you were a musician would you really want Gene Simmons’ name attached to you? Its not like its in his KISS heyday where he was banging a ton of pussy everynight and on coke. He’s a washed up reality star with the face of Flabber from Big Bad Beetle Borgs.

Every time I see him I just think of the episode of Family Jewels where he and his wife get couples plastic surgery and when they come home their kids start crying at the sight of them.

More importantly, Stereos target-audience has zero KISS reference point. Teenage girls do not give a shit about KISS. This is a fact. The only people under 25 who care about KISS are teenage boys in their “I’m not listening to any band formed before 1975” phase (I swear to God they all have it.)

Did he just talk to me like I was ugly?

Just encountered the Pita Pit asshole of life. Yeah I’d be pissed too if I worked at Pita Pit but you don’t have to be such a dick. I asked for a turkey pita and he stares at me blankly for like 30 seconds before going “what KIND of turkey pita?” UM the fucking kind where you take turkey out of your little fridge and put it on my fucking pita and hand it to me, christ.

My obsession with comas/severe head trauma lives on. I spent like an hour on Wikipedia reading related shit. I blame The Odyssey. I remember a really long time ago Lainna said something about how she felt it said something about her as a person that as a child her favorite movie was Labyrinth when that movie is totally fucked and most people only come to enjoy it for its 1980s insanity in their adult years. When I was a kid my favorite show was The Odyssey and only now do I realize how absolutely fucked and potentially scarring it was. This nerdy little kid wants tries to befriend this band of assholes who steal a telescope given to him by his dead father who FELL OVERBOARD ON THEIR FISHING TRIP TOGETHER then he falls out of a tree fort and gets knocked into a coma where he’s trapped in this fantasy world that’s basically a police state inhabited only by kids. The show cuts back and fourth between Jay, the little kid, trapped in the coma-fantasy world and his Mom in the hospital trying to wake his shit up.

I wish this show was on DVD.

Anyway, look at all the fucked up shit that can happen as a result of head injuries.

A drastic treatment for increased [intracranial pressure] is decompressive craniectomy, in which a part of the skull is removed and the dura mater is expanded to allow the brain to swell without crushing it or causing herniation. The section of bone removed, known as a bone flap, can be stored in the patient’s abdomen and resited back to complete the skull once the acute cause of raised ICP’s has resolved. Alternatively a synthetic material may be used to replace the removed bone section

Yeah I’m fucked I know.

Ugh I don’t want to eat this pita it was made with malice.

Lactating Contortionist Strippers

In my opinion all guys should take a fashion cue from Dallas Green. When Googling examples to support this, I came across:

Which is pretty fucking great. I would also like to add that the file name is “dallashat” which I of course read as “Dallas Shat.”

But then things somehow got better.

Is this for fucking real? I’ve seen a picture of him wearing a dress on stage before, but this makes me feel like someone hacked his and Leah Miller’s private honeymoon album or some shit. Its just fucked. If that was a parasol and not an umbrella I’d actually have to jump out a window.

This band is fucked.