Sluts on a Couch

So I saw the new Hilary Duff music video today and the first thing that I thought of was:

What’s with these bitches and Victorian couches? And her arch-nemesis’ video no less? I don’t mind Hilary Duff, though. She gets drunk and clubs just like every other barely legal pop star yet no one talks about it. She’s a sneaky bitch and I like that. The video is very Terry Richardson to me. It’s even got blindfolds and soft bondage. The song is just an epic failure, though. Personal Jesus has been sampled a thousand times before but no one has managed to as blatantly rip it off as Hilary did. It’s not even half-assed, its like one of those Britney Spears singles they put together in 5 minutes.

Phelps Phan

I saw this this morning. Tony Hawk’s already endorsed Bagel Bites and every other food beloved by stoners and latchkey children whose parents are too busy climbing the corporate ladder to make them an appropriate after school snack, so I’m not surprised, but shit Phelps, you’ve got 14 Olympic gold medals do you really need to lower yourself to this level?

Or better yet, this one?

And no, the fact that it was filmed on a private jet does not make up for what you’ve done.


They have maintenance people trying to fix the upstairs bathroom because the lower foor bathroom keeps flooding. This building is so poorly constructed, though, that it sounds like they’re hammering shit in my room. At first I thought it was just some asshole in the room above mine, but when I went in the hall to investigate everyone was out there ready to cut a bitch.

All I want to do is work on my International Relations paper. I’m incredibly relieved because I thought I had another paper due this week, but it turns out it’s not due until November. That leaves me a week to do readings. Yeah, I’m actually excited that I now have time to do even more work that I did not have the time to do before. Thanks, U of T.

The paper has a pretty standard question, but fuck, the reading I had to do for it last night was unbearable. It was supposedly a scholarly round table discussion but it read like a high school government project. I’m seriously concerned for the students of these so called academics. I’d fucking shoot someone if I had to pay to be taught by these idiots. Seriously, there are so many grammatical and spelling errors its ridiculous. I’m particularly irritated by Heather A. Smith, professor of some Canadian foreign policy related program at some Canadian university who apparently has no idea what foreign policy is. Her article is basically a LiveJournal rant about how foreign policy neglects to look at the individual. She states all of this as if she has reached some amazing conclusion that no one has ever considered before. Well maybe, Heather A. Smith, that doesn’t happen because the individual really has no effect whatsoever. She’s such a dumb humanist. The round table pretty much comes to the conclusion that 9/11 had no effect on Canadian foreign policy or the way it is taught, and her response is “well did they look at the lives of Iraqi-Canadian citizens trying to get through the airport to visit family or go to business conferences? Were there lives not effected by 9/11?” OMFG RETARD. She then tells a story about the morning of 9/11 and how her sister in Ottawa phoned her and was like “OMG turn on the TV” and then she felt it was her duty as an INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS SCHOLAR to alert her fellow colleagues, one of whom was (gasp) AMERICAN. Holy fuck, Heather A. Smith, you were so clearly personally effected by 9/11. How did you ever recover. You are a hero to all in your ability to continue to do your job, shaping the minds of our children.

EDIT: My condolences to the students of The University of Northern British Columbia and the world that made Heather A. Smith their Chair of International Studies

You PMS like a bitch, I would know.


Highly successful Eaton Centre trip this morning. No ridiculous line in Sephora. Amazingly got through Aritzia without being attacked by a salesperson or having to lock up my shit. Got a winter jacket and boots without pulling my hair out, it was absolutely amazing. I highly suggest going to B2, I’m in love with one of their sales associates. She has this amazing unplaceable accent and looked at me and went “look at you in your tights and your hot shorts! I used to dress like you in 1989!” and later “You’ve got the skinny legs for big boots. I love skinny legs with big boots because they just make you look skinnier and taller. When I see a big person in big boots, I want to tell them get skinnier boots! Make yourself look skinnier! OK seriously go there she made my day.

This playlist is rocking my world:

AC/DC – Thunderstruck
Katy Perry – Hot ‘N Cold
Lady GaGa – Beautiful Dirty Rich
Bon Jovi – Living on a Prayer
The Tragically Hip – New Orleans is Sinking
Miley Cyrus – 7 Things
Katy Perry – I Kissed a Girl
The Tragically Hip – Bobcaygeon

Seriously, they work. I had to jump on the Katy Perry bandwagon. I’m so ashamed, but giving in feels so good. I heard Dawn playing Hot ‘N Cold last night and was like, goddamnit this is good. Of course, I Kissed a Girl was soon to follow. Whoever is writing the lyrics to these songs really needs to take a good look at themselves though. I would be ashamed. Its so brutally awful. Beautiful Dirty Rich is pretty fucking horrid. I’m still playing Just Dance with an insane frequency, but its no Just Dance. I only listen to the first 20 seconds because I like the part that goes “I’m so sorry Daddy, I’m so-so-sorry yeah. We just like to party like to p-p-party yeah.” New Orleans is Sinking always makes me want to swagger around. I LOVE the line in Bobcaygeon that goes “that night in Toronto, with its checkerboard floors, riding on horseback and keeping order restored.” And really, Thunderstruck and Living on a Prayer are always good. I’m just in one of those moods. I want to put on a shirt with the sleeves cut off and shotgun a beer. And simultaneously go clubbing wearing some lame leggings, and possibly hump an inflatable whale in a children’s pool.


Thirty seconds later, on the same channel