Activated a Discovery+ trial to watch all the No Reservations episodes with Zamir.

NO RETURN NO RETURN it’s a Yellowjackets post

New additions to Yellowjackets!!!

Elijah Wood as a citizen detective (a role he was previously terrific in in Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency, itself a fantastic show that was unfortunately cut short due to Max Landis’ inability to keep it in his fucking pants)

And

Lauren Ambrose, (slowly driving me towards bisexuality performance after performance) as a young Van!!!

Love it! Love Yellowjackets! Loved discovering Yellowjackets at Christmastime when the warm white strings of lights were up inside, the sleep schedule was off and the gin was mid shelf and delicious. Nothing like watching Melanie Lynskey and Juliette Lewis dismember a Tinder hookup while wrapped in blankets and eating a warm, comforting plum pudding.

It’s Morbin’ time

I just watched Morbius. I liked it. It doesn’t justify what it is. I feel like the timeline with comic book movies went nerd shit -> brief sweet spot -> “capeshit.” Everything besides the new Spider-Man movies wants to tell you why it’s culturally relevant and deserving of your attention. It always comes off as simultaneously desperate and condescending.

Morbius is just like, I’m a man who spliced bat DNA into his own and now I’m half man half bat. It’s clear the writers’ entire concept of bats stems from Bat Man because Dr. Morbius has superhuman strength yet bats lack the mass or muscle power to stand upright.

Honestly, I find Jared Leto distractingly attractive. To the point where I spent a good part of the film wondering how Jared Leto feels about being Jared Leto. He’s playing these repulsive, vulnerable characters and all I can consider is the perfect upturn of his nose. How much does that suck when your very purpose is to disappear into roles but you can’t connect fully because you’re just too hot.

Matt Smith dancing is hot and weird he reminds me of a landed gentry Buffalo Bill.

The lady doctor character of Martine Bancroft was a bit weak, and not just because I spent most of the movie thinking Adria Arjoa was Ruby Modine. I’m all for ladies in power and I’m all for hot ladies in power because just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you can’t look great. I get it, I’m sold. But hot lady doctor calling it the “noble prize” straight out the gate does not inspire confidence. You couldn’t have given her a montage? Her as a kid at a science fair her winning awards for research blah blah. Some background or credibility.

My only complaint is there was not enough Jared Harris. There is never enough Jared Harris and there certainly was not enough in this film.

Yellowstone

Beth: Hungry?

Tate: Kind of

Beth: What do you want?

Tate: What can you make?

Beth: Cheese plate.

Everyone was beautiful and nothing hurt

Over the weekend I saw Top Gun: Maverick (at the Air & Space Museum annex IMAX, no less).

SO MANY THOUGHTS. One, I had never seen the first Top Gun before save for ten minutes at my cousins’ house during a family barbecue sometime in the mid-nineties. You know the barbecue protocol where an adult is required to offer the group of children who are rapidly devolving into a tribal society under lack of supervision a VHS in a completely futile and more symbolic gesture to distract them in exchange for the sense that they tried to establish a proxy-parent, and can proceed discretely getting drunk morally unencumbered. I had to watch Top Gun first because all I remembered was “Danger Zone” and my cousins’ and I beating each other with inflatable chairs.

TOP GUN REVIEW

TOM CRUISE. GOD DAMN. In the words of Lana Del Rey, “Blue jeans, white shirt, walked into the room you know you made my eyes burn.” I understand Katie Holmes now. I’m absolutely watching this movie again just to ogle him. As something besides a plea to offer all men of fighting age a standard issue pair of Levis, white shirt, and aviator sunglasses, loved it. Zero chemistry with Kelly McGillis, didn’t get that whole thing, but the story line didn’t take up too much time so no harm no foul. In fact, I didn’t realize Top Gun wasn’t a war film. If you had told me the day before that it was a film about a flight school, and all the action is being driven by men razzing each other for bragging rights, I would have said “well how is that supposed to work.” The only part of the movie I really knew about was the infamous volleyball scene, which though definitely gratuitous, was not as incongruous or frankly homoerotic as I thought it was going to be. I thought the entire film was important and adorable. An entire film about male camaraderie. That doesn’t happen anymore.

TOP GUN: MAVERICK REVIEW

This movie has single-handedly restored my faith in the potential of America. There has been year after year of terribly written super-hero garbage. Garbage where you can tell no one involved is even trying, because they know you’re just so depressed with your depressing life you will watch it anyways. There is muddled moralizing, there is finger pointing, it is always your fault. There’s always some weird alien race of trees that’s dying because of their lack of access to abortion and bike lanes and it’s like the writers were being bonused based on how many issues they can chain together. Yes, films have always contained morals, and always been political. I mean not literally, but I get the point. But I don’t recall, especially in a time of such global desperation, them being so belligerent towards the viewer. This sense of shame and sole responsibility on some family making 30k a year being projected by mega-corporations in the position for actual change.

Yes, I can stop watching those movies, but now I don’t have to

BECAUSE TOP GUN: MAVERICK IS LIKE, TURN THAT PROPAGANDA MACHINE BACK ON BABY, LET ME SHOW YOU WHAT MADE AMERICA GREAT. It knows exactly what you want, gives you a fuck ton of it, and wastes your time with nothing else. There is no global crises, there are no “issues”, there is no 2022 contextualizing. There are students at a school and they fight things. Social issues domestically? MENTION NOTHING AND GIVE NONE OF THE SECONDARY CHARACTERS A BACKSTORY. International stage too hot to name an enemy? NEVER NAME ONE. Where are they? NONDESCRIPT TERRAIN. What is important? US VS. THEM. We will simultaneously have MORE ADVANCED WEAPONRY and possess MORE UNDERDOG SCRAPPINESS. Things getting too maudlin? MAKE A JOKE. In two hours, this movie wiped a couple decades worth of crazy-stink off Tom Cruise, made him fuckable again and made me want to give Lockheed Martin a bunch of money. This is what this country was built on. Erasing differences in order to create a consumer base large enough to fund our military and everyone else’s.